Learning the art of being assertive

OVERCOMING ‘FEEL BAD’ FEELINGS
Q: I often help my staff to chair their meetings, speak to their difficult customers and write their reports, etc as I find it difficult or even guilty to refuse their call for help. I must say that they have now taken me for granted that I will help them always. However, of late, I am beginning to feel that helping them in this manner is not helping them at all when it comes to their longterm growth as future managers. I am now determined to make a change in my “nice guy” image to a “tougher guy” one so that they will really learn. But I know this change is tough for me as I may be easily swayed back to my old ways again especially when they come “begging” again for help. Is there a way to help softie people like me? 
Softie 

A: If there is one key area for you to focus on, it is on improving your tolerance in uncomfortable situaฌtions such as managing people’s undesired behaviours. Why you probably find this change tough is because you are affected emotionally and feel pressured, even guilty when people come to you for help. Saying “no” is not your style, so you end up saying ‘yes’ to get the momentarily pleasure but regret later and want to flee from such uncomfortable situations. 

The Bottom Line: You can toughen yourself to become more selfaware of yourself in this area. A selfawareness exercise can be done by taking these steps. Firstly, reflect deeply as to why you feel guilty or bad when people ask you for help that you want to say “no” but end up saying “yes”. Then, identify the triggers that spark your reactivity, which could be their pathetic lookฌing face or sad voice, etc. Following this, identify the kind of responses that come out from you when faced with these triggers. In your case it could be the feeling of guilt and irresponsibility. Doing this repeatedly a few times should make you be more mindful of your own awareness so that you can break the trance when you are faced with such situations again. 

Powerful Questions: 
What is your bigger goal in the development of your people? 
How are your current actions helping them? 
If not, why is it so? 
What do you want to be mindful about from now? 

BECOMING EXTRAORDINARY LEADERS
Q: There has already been a fair amount of value that I have delivered to my organisation since I helmed it for the last three years. Some indicators of this are the shareholders are happy, customers are satisfied, and employees’ morale is high. I am pretฌty boosted by this show of endorseฌment from them all. I am now about to enter into the next level of my career growth in which I aspire to do something more so that I am not just a good leader, but an extraordinary one. My two big questions are: Should I go for it, and if yes, what can I actually do? 
Fire in The Belly
A: I congratulate you for this huge energy of wanting to become an extraordinary leader in your organฌisation. Of course, there is nothing wrong to be where you are as with your current ability you can be sure to meet your yearly targets, profit margins and so forth with great ease. But I do know that people like you who do not get stretched may end up dissatisfied with yourself in the longer term. 
The Bottom Line: My view of an extraordinary leader is synonymous to the late Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, and even Tony Fernandes. All of them have been around a long time and yet they are still doing extraordinary things for their organisations. They make themselves the “source” of their organisations, which explains why their organisations have gone beyond their original state to become much more than before. Like them, you too need to have a bigger purpose than what you have right now so that you can see beyond what your organisaฌtion is now. 
Only through this, you will gear every effort to give your customers lifechanging experiences. So put more “meat” into your vision, like for example, Air Asia’s vision is “Everyone can fly”. So what is yours? 
  
Powerful Questions: 
What is your extraordinary vision? 
What is the status quo that you want to challenge? 
What will be the new future you want to see? 
What will be your key focus from now on? 

The writer, Dr Michael Heah is an ICF Master Certified Coach. He provides personal coaching services and also coach certification programmes. Check him out at www.corporatecoachacademy.com or email at [email protected]