How to strengthen your inner self

Actually, in many cases, I consider myself superior or even more fortunate than many in this area here because I have had the best education during my younger days, scored brilliant results, came from a good family and grew up with good guidance, values and many others. 
But the sad part is from an emotional standpoint, I lose out to them. I am not performing well in this “open world” at all. They are more confident, cool, sociable and even more positive than me. 
Why is this so? How can I equal them or even outperform them here? 
Misfit 

A: Once out of the studying environment, the performance of any individual is seldom measured by how much “intellectual superiority” he has over the other. 
Schools and examination halls produce different kinds of learning, usually based on compliance, discipline and the ability to recall. 
Learning in an outside studying environment calls for quick thinking on how to adapt to changing situations and on one’s connection with people to get things done. 
So perhaps, this is what you need to work on seriously. 

The bottom line:
In short, to succeed outside the studying environment calls for adopting what I call “a high-performing athletic mindset” where one has the ability to stay positive, alert and mindful, yet composed and calm under very challenging and demanding conditions. 
Gaining personal and people mastery to manage your emotions and that of others is often the driver for long-term success. 
Either you engage a coach to work on the areas of improvement and/or you spend private moments to work on various mind-strengthening techniques such as deep reflection, visualisation and meditation to gain higher awareness of yourself. 
Powerful questions: 
What do you want to be? 
Why do you want it this way? 
Which aspects of you are acting in ways that are akin to what you want? 
What do you want to do now? 

LISTENING DEEPLY
Q: I am at the breaking point now trying to persuade one of our senior engineers to give me his “blessing” for the equipment we intend to buy for improving production in the workplace. 
Despite all the evidence showing that this equipment has worked well in other places, he keeps insisting it will not work here. 
As the head of the division and his superior, I can actually go ahead with the purchase but I am not ready to do this yet as I want to show my courtesy and respect for him in view of his senior years here. 
Unfortunately, he is not responding positively to this gesture. He is stubborn and has a closed mind toward this. I am beginning to lose my patience with him. What shall I do now, keep persuading him or go ahead with it? 
Furious 
A: Like a good leader, you are indeed commendable for trying to get his buy-in instead of pushing it through despite the authority you have. 
However, I get this feeling that there is something inside him that he wants to tell you but he has not found the opportunity to do so. 
Till then, he will only give you the external cues that seemingly point to his disagreement and will only further wear down your patience till something untoward happens. 

The bottom line:
You need to dig deeper to find his real reasons. Go for the emotional bit to win him over. For instance, look deeply into his other reasons, like perhaps not being consulted on this purchase despite being the most senior person in the department. 
Using this as a basis, go and find out what his emotional fears really are. If this is not handled well, you can expect that he will continue to take this stubborn stand with no happy ending in sight for both of you. 
So relax and tune in to see him in a positive light, then ask him gently for his “other reasons” and then listen compassionately to what he really wants to tell you. When the truth is out, I am sure it will be to everyone’s benefit.

Powerful questions:
How much do you value his services? 
How will getting him on your side benefit the both of you? 
What have you still not done to remove his resistance? 
What do you want to do now? 

Michael Heah is a ICF Master Certified Coach. He provides personal coaching services and coach certification programmes. Check him out at www.corporate-coachacademy.com or email him at [email protected].